it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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