Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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