i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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