did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
