God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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