he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
