Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
