Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
