Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
