i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize