kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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