I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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