I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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