I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
