I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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