He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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