I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
