If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
