she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
