what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
