Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
