I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
