I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
