after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
