Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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