New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
