Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
