Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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