I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
