Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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