Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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