Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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