He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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