The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
