Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
