I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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