im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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