I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
