Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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