Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
