i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
