you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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