Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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