wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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