All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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