I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
