I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
