He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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