you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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