I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
