no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
